“It’s one banana. How much could it possibly cost? $10?”
Paul Pierce earned $195M over the course of his NBA career, not including the dozens of endorsement deals and additional income streams he had at his peak. Now the Celtics legend is telling the court that he can’t afford his child and spousal support payments after losing his job at Fox Sports.
Court documents related to Pierce’s request for financial relief contain some of the wildest figures imaginable, which were obtained by TMZ. As part of his justification for not being able to pay, Pierce laid out his monthly spending:
- $8K on childcare
- $5K on groceries
- $7K on eating out
- $1K on clothes
- $3.5K on entertainment
It’s truly impossible to understand how anybody could need to spend both $7K a month on restaurant meals, AS WELL as $5K a month on groceries. That equates to $3,000 a week on food and sundries. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to spend $3,000 on a list of groceries, but it’s so much more difficult than it sounds. It’s easy to rack up a few hundred dollars on a weekly shop, paper products, and pantry staples — but go past that and you really need to work in order to reach anything close to $3,000.
I know, because I tried. Pierce lives in Woodland Hills, California — in a mansion he bought in 2022. I looked at his local Whole Foods, which appears to be the most expensive chain grocery store in the area, and did my darndest to rack up a $3,000 bill. My mom always said: “Don’t criticize unless you also offer a suggestion,” so here’s my attempt to cut Paul Pierce’s food budget by 75% with a measly $3,000 order from Whole Foods.
- 22 boxes of Sous Vide Egg Bites
- 16 large chocolate croissants
- 10 frozen Chicken Tikka Masala Meals
- 7 containers of Chicken Noodle Soup
- 8 jars of Chicken “Better than Bouillon”
- 10 jars of Rao’s marinara
- 10 lbs of spaghetti
- 17 packages of crab and lobster ravioli
- 10 family size lasagnas
- 7 packages of Lotus Foods Organic Ramen
- 6 Rosemary Chicken Family Meals
- 6 Paleo Salmon Family Meals
- 6 Chicken Scallopini Family Meals
- 20 lbs of ribeye steak
- 21 bags of pretzels
- 10 pounds of imported European butter
- 16 pounds of Niman Farms bacon
- 96 lobster tails for a new tradition called “Lobster Friday” in which Paul Pierce stays up for 24 hrs and eats a lobster tail every hour
- 16 pounds of smoked salmon
- 10 pounds of blueberries
- 10 containers of Greek yogurt
- 30 avocados
- 10 cartons of boujee eggs
- 13 pounds of sockeye salmon filets
- 30 cases of Poppi cherry limeade
- 1 bottle of pumpkin spice coffee creamer, because ‘tis the season
Know that this was a very real order which I accidentally placed on my personal Amazon account, before realizing what happened and cancelling it. Thankfully there won’t be 96 lobster tails waiting for me in California.
Pierce’s ex-wife is alleging that he is fudging his numbers to hide money from her and is asking for a forensic accountant to look into Paul’s figures. Now, looking at just his $ 5K-a-month grocery allegation, ON TOP of having $7K in restaurant meals — there might be something to that.