Michigan finally broke Dave Portnoy. The Barstool Sports founder unloaded a four-plus-minute NSFW rant after watching his Alma mater fall 15-6 at home to the Michigan State Spartans on Saturday. He did not direct his ire at the players, however. No, the colorful sports media personality decided to focus all his wrath on the Wolverines' coaching staff.
“Kyle Whittingham — fire him, gone, get him out of here,” Portnoy said in a video he posted on X. “{Michigan offensive coordinator} Jason Beck — gone, fire him, get him out of here. They're both absolute football terrorists. They don't belong here. They never fit in here. Kyke Whittingham is the most lifeless old man.
“This guy, the game has passed him by. He just sits on the sidelines with that hangdog glare…. He's just not our guy. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but this is so pathetic. I'm watching this team, and I just want to puke… This is the worst coaching staff. Sherrone Moore looks like a f*****g genius compared to these guys… This Michigan football team is the worst Michigan football team I've pretty much ever seen.”
Portnoy can lay it on pretty thick, but many fans likely share his outrage. The Wolverines are a controversial win versus Western Michigan away from being sub-.500 right now. With surging Oregon, undefeated UCLA and declining yet generally dangerous Ohio State all on the final stretch of the schedule, it is hard to see this squad becoming bowl-game eligible.
Michigan football is a joke
Dave wants everybody FIRED pic.twitter.com/vxxjbs38AR
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) November 8, 2026
The Bryce Underwood investment has failed catastrophically, and the Whittingham hire has not brought the program back to its roots like Ann Arbor hoped. The play-calling is too often uninspiring, and there is no offensive identity. Stumbling in The Big House versus a lowly Spartans team sent a startling message to Dave Portnoy and the rest of the alumni/fan base. Michigan is in disaster mode.
Making huge changes one year after hiring a head coach is uncommon, but these are obviously unacceptable outcomes. El Presidente is not shy about expressing his opinion, even though he has interviewed Whittingham and enjoyed cordial interactions with him.
“At some point, you have to be like ‘you're the worst football coach in football right now,'” Portnoy opined. “I don't know what you did in Utah, but you are 100 years old. You're a fossil, you cannot coach this football team. If you had an ounce of dignity, you wouldn't ask for a paycheck or a buyout, because all you've done is torpedo this program. Go sailing, go catch fish, go do whatever old people do in an old person home.
Article Continues Below“You belong in a nursing home. And Jason Beck, you belong on the terrorist watch list.”
Dave Portnoy has been able to keep up the Michigan bravado for a while, riding high after the 2023-24 national championship, but he is utterly disgusted by this version of the Wolverines. Despite only allowing 16.4 points per game, this group ranks 97th with 138.0 rushing yards per game and is outside the top-200 with 178.4 passing yards per game.
If Michigan can find success against their three ranked opponents to end the year, then perhaps Whittingham and Beck will be granted a stay of execution from the angry Ann Arbor mob. Or is it already too late?